I’m a 5th semester university student, still struggling to find my place in competitive programming.

I started coding in my 1st semester, full of excitement, thinking I’d improve quickly. But semester after semester, I failed to stay consistent. I’d start, stop, start again — always losing focus halfway through. Now, in my 5th semester, I’m finally trying to hold on to some consistency, to really keep going this time.

Still, things aren’t easy. I can barely solve problems above 800 rating on my own. Sometimes I manage to solve Div. A problems, but most of the time, I can’t even handle the easy ones. My patience runs out fast. I can’t sit with a single problem for too long before my mind drifts away.

And yes, I depend a lot on ChatGPT. Maybe more than most people admit. Some say it’s wrong to rely on it — but honestly, without it, I wouldn’t have learned half the things I know today. YouTube videos teach the basics, but ChatGPT explains those small, detailed things that no video ever covers. That’s how I’ve been learning — slowly, imperfectly, but learning nonetheless.

Sometimes, when I solve a problem with GPT’s help and see how simple the logic actually was, it hurts a little. I ask myself, “Why didn’t I think of that?” It makes me feel small, like my brain just isn’t wired the way others’ are. I see people solving problems so easily, and I can’t help comparing myself.

I know I’m not naturally smart. I know I’m not talented. But I try. Every day, I try a little more — to understand, to stay patient, to push my limits.

I want to prepare for ICPC someday. But I also have to maintain my CGPA, manage my studies, and somehow balance everything. Some days it feels like I’m running in circles — trying hard, but not really moving forward.

Even writing this post, I took help from ChatGPT. Because I struggle to express my thoughts clearly on my own. Maybe I’m too dependent, maybe I’m obsessed. But I don’t hide it — I admit it. Everyone uses help in some way; I just happen to take mine from GPT.

I’m sharing this not for sympathy, but for connection — maybe someone out there feels the same. Maybe someone was once like me and found a way forward. I’d love to hear from those people.

How do you stay patient? How do you grow when progress feels invisible? How do you keep going when it feels like you’ll never catch up?