Hii Everyone,

I am posting this from an alternate account because I don't really want people to track this to the real me.

Feel free to read my previous post Disappointed in myself basically the post is about how I am still a newbie after 5 years of doing CP blah blah blah. Btw thanks everyone for their advice on my previous post, it actually helped.

I am happy to announce that after 6 years of being introduced to CP, I am finally a pupil. It took 70+ contests to actually get to this point and I want to share something about it to you guys. All of these 6 years, I was incredibly toxic to myself about how much of a loser I was for being a newbie, because my whole life I thought I was smart, and that identity being shattered by being a newbie was something I just couldn't bear (you can read more about this in my previous post, linked above).

Now when I am finally pupil, no doubt I am happy, but you know what thought popped up in my mind moments after I reached pupil, "is it really that impressive?". And not even then, I think it was during the contest itself, when I kind of already knew I was going to be pupil. And yes, it doesn't sound awesome to become pupil after solving 700 problems (350 on CF, I think) over the course of 6 years, but the thing is, it's kind of crazy how our mind just rejects all the pain and struggle that went into being whoever you are today.

You know when I reached pupil it was more of a relief than happiness, let this post be a reminder to you all to give urself a pat on your back for whatever rating you are and appreciate yourself and thank yourself once in a while, because your mind will somehow always convince you that it's never enough like mine is saying "it would be great if you were a specialist."

Thanks for reading the post. Have a great day.

Hii everyone,

I am posting this from an alternate account because I don't really want people to track this to the real me. This post is a way of venting something that I have been feeling about competitive programming for a very long time.

I have been in and out of CP for 5 years now, back when I was in college. I started with Hackerrank and eventually heard about CF from friends. I actually found this very fascinating as I was always interested in mathematics and puzzle sort of things. But then I was not getting better — I was stuck in the 900–1000 range. There were times when I could not even crack A of the contest, and I couldn't handle the fact that I maybe was not smart, and then I gave up CP for like 1.5 years. I would maybe solve a problem here and there, but never regularly.

Then later on I actually got a job as a DSA trainer, and I taught DSA for almost 1.5 years, and I taught it well — people really responded well to my teaching. My students also included CF specialists, people who cracked Google interviews, etc., and I felt like maybe now I could get back and finally become better at CP. I watched YouTube videos, created notes, everything that I felt was needed. So I again hopped back and started doing it again, and after 20 contests I barely touched pupil, and currently my rank is below 1000. In yesterday's contest I could not even solve A, and previous to that contest I wasn't able to solve B.

Tbh, at this point of my life CF does nothing for me in terms of my career and probably is a waste of time for me, but I still cannot help letting go of it from my life. It may not be a big deal for a lot of you, and maybe it should not be that big of a deal for me as well — like nobody is asking me for my CF rating lol. My friends have already stopped, and yet I still cannot just accept the fact that I might just not be as smart.

Thanks for reading! would love to hear your thoughts on this, any advice is welcome!